Writing Through Grief: Finding Purpose in Vulnerability

How Sharing My "Story" Transformed My Life and Inspired Hope

“The one thing which seems to me quite impossible is to take into consideration the kind of book one is expected to write; surely one can only write the book that is there to be written.”

― Dorothy L. Sayers, The Letters of Dorothy L. Sayers 1899-1936: The Making of a Detective Novelist

Being vulnerable is hard.

Now that my book is with the publishers, I am filled with both anxiety and anticipation, eager to share my grief and faith journey to inspire others through these pages. The thought of connecting with readers and offering hope fills me with gratitude, knowing that soon, others will hold in their hands the story of God’s healing process.

People have been asking me, “Are you excited about your book being published?” I struggle with that word “excited.” It’s not that I’m not happy—it’s just that my feelings are more complicated than simple excitement. There’s anticipation, nervousness, and a sense of vulnerability that come with sharing my grief and faith journey. After years of pouring my thoughts into this manuscript, the idea of it being out in the world feels surreal. The significance of this moment lies in the deeply personal nature of my story and in the hope that it will resonate with others walking a similar path.

Merriam-Webster defines the adjective “excited” as “having, showing, or characterized by a heightened state of energy, enthusiasm, eagerness, etc.” I am “excited” about finishing my soon-to-be-published book, but at the same time, my topic is not “exciting.”

I wanted to write a novel like my favorite literary heroes, Jane Austen and Dorothy Sayers. Instead, I felt compelled to write a book for mothers grieving the loss of a child by suicide.

Recently, I have been studying a letter the apostle Paul wrote to the churches in Galatia, and it was through these passages that I suddenly became aware and got “excited” about why I had written my book. I was struck by his powerful message about freedom and grace—how he spoke openly about his past and the transformation he experienced through faith. This revelation mirrored the themes I wanted to explore in my own book, and it made me genuinely excited about my purpose for writing.

I used to be annoyed by some of Paul’s writings. In several New Testament letters, he seemed to boast about everything he had achieved, whether positive or negative. For example, in his letter to the Galatians, Paul wrote, “For you have heard of my previous way of life in Judaism, how intensely I persecuted the church of God and tried to destroy it. I was advancing in Judaism beyond many of my own age among my people and was extremely zealous for the traditions of my fathers.” (Galatians 1:13 NIV)

Paul’s willingness to share his story, both the good things and the awful things he had done, was not for self-glorification but to point others toward hope and redemption. It resonated deeply with me and inspired me to share my own grief journey more openly.

I can be excited about this.

I am writing this book, not only to tell my story, but to share my testimony. After Sebastian’s death, I experienced deep grief and faced many challenges. In the weeks following his passing, I struggled to find meaning in my pain. There were moments when despair overwhelmed me, yet it was then that I felt Jesus’s presence most strongly, guiding me toward healing.

By sharing my story, I hope to draw others closer to Jesus through their pain, reassuring them that God’s love can bring healing and hope even in tragedy.

At the same time, I share my story with caution. My story must be helpful to others. What I share should never imply to anyone: “see how awesome I am,” or “see how amazing I am despite my loss.” I don’t ever want my “story” ever to hide the truth of the gospel.

Tim Keller once said, “We are not sharing our story for ourselves, but to help others understand and find Christ; to point others to the amazing gospel of grace which has changed our lives, and which we know can change theirs, too.”^[1]

Jesus and his amazing gospel of grace have changed my life story. I hope others know their lives might change, too. This is what I’m excited about.

What have you been excited about lately?

If my story of grief and hope spoke to you, consider joining my community. Sign up for my newsletter to receive reflections, encouragement, updates, and news about my upcoming book, Messy Mourning: Hope for Mothers Grieving the Loss of a Child by Suicide. Let’s move forward together with courage and compassion.

Jackiembaker.com

---

^[1] Keller, Timothy. Galatians for You. The Good Book Company. 2013.