From Grief to Grace:
The Journey from Messy Mourning to Good Friday
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from my cries of anguish?
My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, but I find no rest (Psalm 22:1 NIV)
My grief has lessened over the years; it’s not nearly as overwhelming anymore.
Grief is like a scar that remains after a past injury has finally healed. In the same way, as an open wound bleeds profusely, likewise, fresh grief bleeds. We can’t stop the hemorrhaging of our broken hearts.
But while the wound is gushing copious amounts of blood all over us and we are frantically trying to stop the bleeding, a miracle, unbeknownst to us, has already started. Within seconds, blood cells start clumping together, knitting the wound and protecting it, and eventually, the bleeding stops. Healing has begun, and we didn’t even know it. Within days, scabs develop, and over time, scars replace the once-damaged area.
The pain starts to fade as the wound begins to heal.
Scars, like grief, take a long time to heal—longer than we expect. Initially, the scar appears red, swollen, and misshapen. It can be painful when touched or bumped. The healed area can have a limited range of motion, and the replacement tissue is never as strong as the original. Scars never go away; by the same token, grief never really goes away. They are both constant reminders of what happened in the past. But, with God’s help, the mended tissue of grief slowly fades with each passing year until you hardly notice it.
God spoke to his people through the prophet Isaiah about a man of sorrows. This man, familiar with suffering and grief, would be despised by the leaders of his day and not be held in high esteem. He’d take on the pain and punishment of the entire world and die for the transgressions of those he loved. This man would bring peace. Isaiah proclaimed,
“But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5 NIV).
After his resurrection from the dead, Jesus showed himself to his disciples, and they were overjoyed. Of the eleven followers, only Thomas was missing. Later, when his friends shared the excellent news with Thomas, he didn’t believe that Jesus was indeed alive. Thomas said he needed to see and touch the scars where the nails had pierced Jesus’ hands and feet.
These scars showed the world that what happened to Jesus was true.
These same scars declare what Jesus did for me.
God showed His love and compassion to me by sending His Son, Jesus, born at Christmas time as a human baby in Bethlehem. Jesus became like me in every way possible, yet he did not sin. Jesus suffered as I have suffered; therefore, he understands my pain. Jesus did what no one else was able to do: dying on a cross, dying in my place, that I might have peace, healing in my grief, and forgiveness.
God is with me in my messy mourning.
When I couldn’t sleep at night because my grief felt overwhelming, or when I found an old sock of Sebastian’s hidden away under a couch, and the ache that I thought was under control came flooding back in my inmost being. In those moments when I was sobbing quietly over Sebastian’s favorite meal that he’d never eat again or clutching my pillow in the darkness, God’s presence has never left me. He continues walking alongside me, guiding my steps until my final days on this earth are over. When I pass through the last enemy of this world, death, I will see Jesus face to face, complete with scarred hands and feet. I have this promise from God, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” (Revelation 21:4).
Happy Easter!
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Ah. Our hope, assurance, salvation and life in Christ’s resurrection.